Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
