I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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