Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
