wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
