Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
