Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
