Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
