OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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