he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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