Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
