Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
