If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
