I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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