Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
