Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
