Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
