Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
