so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
