i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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