I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
