**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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