So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
