You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
