literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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