is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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