I cannot find my penis.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
All the doctor said was why
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
