She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i now understand why vodka
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
