So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
