is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
