Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
