she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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