Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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