Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
