She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
