dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
