he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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