We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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