his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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