dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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