just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
