I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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