I think I died a long time ago.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
