its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
