Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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