well I can't set my house on fire every night
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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