I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
