You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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