i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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