First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
