I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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